How To Set The Table For Any Southern Occasion

Whether you’re prepping for a basic lunch or a formal bash, here’s what you need to know.

Nicole Letts is an Atlanta-based journalist with a decade of work appearing in some of the nation’s top publications. She is currently penning her first book, Unique Eats and Eateries of Alabama. When she's not writing, you'll find her stitching needlepoint canvases or perusing antique shops for her online store, Grandmillennial Shop.

Some might argue that setting a table is a lost art, but for those of us in the South, it's a skill that's ingrained in us from the get-go. As kids, our sole dinner responsibility was setting the table while Mama finished the meal. Each place setting received a fork placed on a folded napkin, a knife (blade facing toward the plate), and a spoon. That spoon may not have always been touched, but by golly, it was on the table, just in case.

Setting a basic table is one thing, but the real fun starts when we get to play with colors, patterns, and special plates for casual parties and formal occasions. If you're setting an elevated table for the first time, your mind might start spinning with all of the suggestions and rules. Where should the water glass go? How many forks are appropriate? What is the point of a charger plate? Don't worry, we have you covered with a step-by-step guide with expert tips on how to set a table for almost any gathering you can think of.

Paige Minear is a stylist, blogger, and founder of The Pink Clutch.

Before you get lost in the details, Paige Minear of The Pink Clutch recommends starting with a theme, whether it's the table or the menu. "That way, it's easier to make choices about linens, china, and other details," she says. "If you're hosting a shrimp boil, you likely won't use white linens, unless you want a mess."

Minear also advises to be aware of the timing of your party. "Only use the flatware, glassware, and table accessories for the appropriate time of day. For example, you shouldn't use candles for a breakfast or a lunch."

Attention to detail can go a long way, too. "When entertaining, even for casual meals, I like to use place cards, so there's no confusion about where anyone should sit. Pair people who have things in common and try to separate couples to encourage conversation."

To keep things simple, we've broken the table settings into three categories. Think of this as your dining primer.

A standard table setting is the base of it all. This is the basic setting for weeknight meals with the family. Think of this informal table setting as your foundation for every table you design. From this premise, you can build upon the setting to create anything from a luncheon table to a formal table. It's your everyday routine as well as a starting point for other occasions.

Southern Living / Corinne Mucha

A casual table is where you can start to have a little more fun with your china, flatware, and glassware selections. In fact, you've likely oohed and aahed over many casual table settings. Think of adding popular patterns of salad plates or soup bowls as well as sparkly crystal wine glasses. Consider the casual yet elevated table your medium ground between a standard and a formal setting.

This type of table is ideal for bridal luncheons, intimate dinner parties, and Sunday suppers. It's also a good opportunity to use those extra table items such as bread and butter plates or napkin rings. While chargers are typically reserved for formal settings, this is the South, and we don't do things halfway. A simple rattan or woven charger adds texture. Be sure to choose either a charger or a placemat. There's no need for both.

Southern Living / Corinne Mucha

The formal table setting concept speaks for itself. These tables are best for special occasions or meals with three or more courses. Here, let the menu be your guide. Just because you inherited your great-grandmother's sterling silver oyster forks doesn't mean they get added to the table. Only incorporate utensils and china that you will be using for the meal. Not serving a salad? Do not add a salad fork to your formal table. Think of it as fewer dishes to do after a long night of hosting.

Southern Living / Corinne Mucha

Ultimately, there are many variations for a formal setting, not to mention incorporating things like flowers and candles. When in doubt, remember that at the end of the day, it's about your guests having a great time and a wonderful meal.

With all the prepping and planning required to get that perfect tablescape, you may wonder why you are going to such great lengths. Whether it’s a casual family meal or a more formal affair, setting the table creates an inviting place to enjoy food with friends and family, sets the tone for the event, and shows you care about your guests. It’s also a reason to pull out those sentimental pieces that remind you of holidays at your grandmother’s house.

While there are plenty of rules for a nice table, consider these additional tips for making setting the table for any occasion a breeze.

It’s okay to place the napkin on top of the dinner plate. Guests will likely reach for it first, and this placement means there’s no shuffling of silverware to get to the napkin. It’s also an opportunity to show off napkin-folding skills or use those fancy napkin rings you never pull out.

Don’t set out your tablecloth and hope the wrinkles just fall out. This is one time when ironing is essential. If a meal is special enough for linens, they should look their best and that means ironing them for a crisp, clean look.

Consider the shape of your dining table when choosing a theme and décor. Use chargers instead of placemats for round or oval tables. They take up less space while still designating each place setting. Whatever the shape, choose a tablecloth that hangs at least 12 to 15 inches over the table’s sides. If you choose a runner, make sure the fabric hangs 12 inches at each end.

Search your house to repurpose what you already have. Use pitchers as vases and mint julep cups to hold buds, jars for candleholders, and natural elements for name cards. Layer mismatched patterns of plates, crystal goblets, and silverware, and tie it all together with colorful napkins, ribbons, or flowers.

Consider the size of your centerpiece. It shouldn't be so large that it blocks diners' views of one another and makes conversation difficult.

Don't use candles and flowers with too much fragrance so don't they interfere with the aroma of the meal or make guests uncomfortable.

The napkin remains in your lap for the entire dinner, even if you are done eating. Once the meal is complete and you are ready to leave the table, gather the napkin by its center and neatly set it to the left of your plate. If the plate has been removed, you may leave the napkin in its place. If you need to excuse yourself during the meal, remove the napkin from your lap and place it in your seat until you return.

Coffee is usually served after a meal. It is placed above and to the right of the knife and spoon.

For a buffet, put the utensils at the end of the line of food so guests don't have to carry it with them while filling up their plates. They can be arranged and rolled into napkins for easy carrying, or you can place prepared sets in jars on tables for guests to use once seated. You can also arrange table settings with napkins and silverware ahead of time to keep the buffet line moving and guests' hands free.